The Zerfman's Zoo

After much deliberation, pain, and suffering I’ve decided to part ways with Livejournal. I know this is going to break some people’s hearts on here. Not really, but I got sick of having 3 dorky sites that I waste my time on. So, this is a little bit of downsizing. Cry on Ricky Gervis... cry on... I have always hated Myspace, but after spending some time on there, I think the Zerfman’s Zoo will be just as effective and surely will waste as much time for me and you with my mindless drivel as a part of my Myspace account. You can still quick link it at this address….

blog.myspace.com/zerfman711

The real reason I’m leaving is what reason is there to stay if Lindsay Wiggs isn’t even going to make posts anymore? Ha. Just kidding Lindsay.

Don’t let the door hit cha where the good lord split ya!


Bye Livejournal…


The Zerfman

I guess you had some really fundamental post moves. They were amazingly robotic in form and automatic in result at times. You also could really stroke a J for a big man. You also had the name P-Diddy during a time when the actual P-Diddy changed his name several times. Nice work P-Diddy. Hey…Paul….any word on those onion rings?

Hoist #13 in the rafters people!!!

Goodbye Maurice Ager! You were a valiant Spartan and have went places other Spartans have only dreamed of. Sure, your era will be marked by two years of severe underachievement and two years of over achievement. Through it all you played with a passion and a zeal that made you one of my favorite players to watch. I will always put you up there with the greats that ever wore the green and white uniform for Tom Izzo. You fought through injuries, excelled in times of over-hyped expectations, improved your game every year, and brought on one of the best drinking traditions East Lansing has ever seen. THE AGER BOMB!

I will always remember the days at Spartan Sportsden hitting up an AGER BOMB every time you hit a three. I think we did TWO when you POSTERIZED J.J. REDICK! Those two things will make a you legend that we will never forget. I think they should retire your #13 for that reason. On your final game you hit 5 Ager Bombs (the refs took one away) and didn’t get much help from your comrades Paul Davis and Shannon Brown. They owe you an Ager Bomb if you ask me.

When Tom Izzo brings back the tough MSU teams, your teams will always have a legacy as the “run and gun” Spartans, bringing some of the most exciting game play we’ve seen at the Breslin Center and beyond. I doubt we’ll see another Izzo coached team run the floor the way that you and Shannon Brown did. You brought every facet of the game to the floor and you made us Spartan fans very proud.

Thanks for posterizing J.J. Redick! Thanks for the big three against Minnesota. Thanks for the SUPER SCINTALATING SENSATIONAL Gonzaga game, maybe one of the best Spartan games ever. Thanks for all the big shots. Thanks for being the only one to show up in the 2006 NCAA tournament. You tried with everything you had to will this team into a champion contender and it just doesn’t always work out. You did get an Elite Eight and a Final Four, and we will always remember you for that.

This is an end to an era at MSU. We will go about rebuilding and I know Izzo has a plan, but with all rebuilding era’s it’s going to take some time. I bet we return to national prominence in 2008 when we get Kalin Lucas and his crew. Until then, I will miss the days of watching Ager suite up in the #13 MSU green and play with a passion second to none. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch is when Maurice Ager was next to Drew Neitzel crying. It didn’t seem to me like a typical we lost cry, but I could feel the pain physically as I watched this. He didn’t want it to end like this, and you just don’t see that kind of genuine spirit anymore. This kid had something and I’m sad I’ll never see him suit up for us again.

Three Cheers for Mo Ager! And if you get the chance take one last “Ager Bomb” in his honor. You know I will for years to come. This one’s for you Mo…



Just for kicks let's put Ager in his proper class.
Top 5 Favorite Spartans to watch:
A.J. Granger
Steve Smith
Mateen Cleaves
Maurice Ager
Morris Peterson

This is got to be one of the hardest losses I’ve had to take as a sports fan. 2 out of 3 years now we’ve been eliminated out of the tournament. I remember taking the Nevada loss pretty hard. I had a lot more at stake on that game, being in the Izzone for every home game and all, but I surely didn’t have the same confidence in that team – due to our amazing final four accomplishment last year. I remember throwing a chair and running out of the Riv, going home and crying in my bed for the rest of the night. That was after being at Burgerama for an entire day. This situation was a lot like last year in that it was St. Patrick’s Day and I took the day off from work. I got to the bar at around noon and the Spartans didn’t take the court until 711 in the PM. I definitely wasn’t drinking at the same rate because I live in NYC now and one pint of Guiness was running about the same as 3 pitchers of beer at the Riv. No joke.

I was a lot luckier this year. I did have the high hopes, but in my old age I don’t seem to take things as hard. At least I didn’t this time, but seriously this one really hurts. Luckily for me, I came across a fluke in all senses of the word. These extremely nice, cute, hot, entertaining, and sports fanatical Villanova girls started talking to me. Now let me tell you, I can count the times on one finger that nice, cute, hot, entertaining, sports natured girls have ever started a conversation with me. It’s not like I was paying ANY attention to them at all. I was going through one of the toughest things I ever have to face in my life. An overrated Spartans team losing it’s first game in the NCAA tournament. I mean, I was facing the other tv!? I know this happens to people at bars all the time, but it NEVER happens to me. It must be my Adam Morrison like hair. Ha! Needless to say the Villanova girls not only provided me one of more fun nights I’ve had in NYC, but they kept my mind off the loss until I went got home. Crucial roll playing girls. Thank you so much, but it was just delaying the inevitable.

Now it’s really starting to sink in. There are no beautiful girls around me at work to tell me about how hot the Villanova players are and recite movie quotes with and make me laugh in my time of need. I have to deal with the fact that my team choked. Not something you are used to as a MSU fan when it comes to March Madness. You kind of get spoiled by the expectations. I wanted that North Carolina match up so bad I could taste it! Carolina has knocked us out of the tournament twice in the last 10 years or so, including a game we were somehow leading at half time last year. I KNOW we would beat that team, but somehow we managed to look past a huge mismatch we had against George Mason. Who is this Jai Lewis!? Why don’t I remember how we beat him last year? I mean that guy is a force. He is like Shaq only shorter. He’s wide like a Mack truck and he can really shoot fade-away’s and an occasional three pointer. He’s wicked! They have two guys that are muscle forces on the inside and I would HAVE to know that would be a problem for us, but I didn’t. I just figured our guards would be able to take advantage of theirs, especially since they were playing without one of their best. Not the case.

It did help ease the pain that GMU was able to beat North Carolina, but as I said before, that was OUR match up! If Jai Lewis stays on his game I see this guy and team as a mismatch for every team in the nation really. I wonder how this team lost 7 games this year. I see this being a big problem for Uconn as well. They don’t have the muscle for guys like this? They have athletes, but not the kind of house’s you would need on the blocks for this kind of manhood. They will be able to run on GMU, but I wonder why we couldn’t? Oh yeah, we couldn’t get a rebound. I love how Izzo is reprimanding our team saying we won’t be this weak on the glass ever again. I mean I don’t care who it is – you don’t get worked 40-24 on the glass. I never thought I would see the day this would happen to a Tom Izzo team. The thing about this game was, I could handle that they were out playing and even out rebounding us, but when it came to them getting rebounds on their own free throw misses, that was the last straw for me. I couldn’t take that. You HAVE to get the rebounds on your own free throws. That has to be one of the most frustrating punch in the mouth plays in basketball. When you foul somebody and they actually miss the free throws, but they get the rebound?! It’s hard to swallow. We ended up living that scenario several times during the closing of the game as GMU couldn’t buy a free throw to save their life. That made me mad too, because they don’t deserve to win if they can’t make simple free throws, meaning they didn’t play a “great game” as I was trying to give them credit for before. They made tough shots, but they certainly opened some doors for us.

We didn’t take those openings. What we took was Maurice Ager dribbling down the court and gunning a three. Is that the best play Izzo could come up with? I love Maurice Ager – he is quite possibly one of my favorite players to grace a MSU uniform, but I have to believe there is something better we could have done. What does Izzo do all day? You’re telling me he doesn’t have a play diagramed to run a quick couple of screens for Ager? Ager has made some clutch threes in his day, but I just don’t think they can count on that time after time. It’s a lot for anybody to ask, and everybody has seen it so many times they know it’s coming. I blame Izzo. He was resorting to this too many times this season. Ager had the hot hand, and he is the guy I would want taking the shot, and I know you got to do it quickly, but there is another way. All season long we would get behind and resort to this Ager and Brown one on one game and it just doesn’t work.

This year was Tom Izzo’s worst season as a coach. I really hope he does what he says he’s going to do to turn things around, because I really want to hang him for his performance this year. He ran Ager, Brown, Davis, and Neitzel into the ground. He knows better. He has to stick to his system even if he doesn’t have the players for it. Some of his in game personel decisions still baffle me. No PT for Idong Ibock? Why didn’t Delco Rowley get more playing time against GMU since he was the only one strong enough to battle Jai Lewis? It’s ridiculous. I can point to a couple of games I thought Izzo got out coached, which I’ve never had to say as an Izzo super worshiper. I am by all means not saying that Izzo should be replaced at all, but I am saying that we need to get our act together as a program. 2 out of 3 eliminations in the first round of the NCAA tournament is unacceptable. That’s probably why it’s so fun though, because we go to extremes.

All I know is the pain of this season is real man. I keep wondering where it went wrong. We started off with such high hopes and had great games against Gonzaga, Arizona, and Ohio State that were so exciting to watch. Then it seemed to go downhill with a slide for the rest of the season. Nothing seemed to have that zest we had at the begining of the season. You don't go 8-8 in the Big 10 and have a good time with it. I just can't figure out what happened. I KNOW we were better then this!?

I could go on forever, but I will stop this here. I think next I will have a tribute of some kind to the seniors that we’ll never see again in an MSU uniform. Getting all the end of MSU’s season demons out so I can enjoy the rest of college basketball. My bracket is still very much in contention, but I need the rest of everything to go pretty much perfect for that to happen, which includes rooting for Duke. Yikes Stripes!

My favorite joke for Michigan fans:
Q:What do you and Daniel Horton have in common?
A:You've played in the same amount of NCAA tournament games! BOOYA!


Three cheers for the NIT dynasty!

This is a disclaimer. Due to March Madness I for see there will be a lag in posts. I have a lot to say, but refuse to use this outlet due to my extreme superstitions. Everytime I have posted something about sports it hasn’t went well. I will be doing that no more. I also will probably stay away from Blondies to watch the Spartans. That place has been labeled a jinx. Can’t do it. I’m hyped and ready for my favorite time of year. I say it every year, but I really can’t think of a tournament I’m more excited for then this years matchups. So sorry for those wanting some Zerfas content, but I’m wasting enough of my work time to do NCAA related things and that is going take my time away from posting drivel for everyone here to read. See you in April.

Go State!

Here is the link to my March Madness set up. Fill out a bracket and join the fun!!


This message is from Ryan Zerfas who is challenging you to play Men's Tournament Challenge on ESPN.com.

Game Description

Get in the action now:
http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=114931&password=ugotpittsnogled

Game Front: http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/frontpage
Group: 1-800-DOGBITE Zerf Pool
Password: ugotpittsnogled

Here's what else they had to say:

I would like to add that since I really can't collect the money, I think all the losers should mail the winner something stupid. We don't get enough mail these days and I think it's up to the Zerfas Pool 2006 brought to you by 1-800-DOGBITE to change the trend and give the post office some business. When I say something stupid it could be anything, like a card, 5 duckets, a book about duct tape, a collection of J.J. Redick poems. The ideas are endless. I want everyone to play without thinking they have to pay money, but let's add this little thing that entails people to mail the winner something "stupid." I think it's a good idea, but OF COURSE I think it's a good idea. That doesn't make sense... just FILL OUT THE BRACKET ALREADY!!!

I apologize to anyone that read this post and found it depressing. Just some venting I guess. Not the first or the last I’ll use the Zoo for that. My night turned out alright. I mean there were a few things a little off kilter, but overall I would say I had a great night. THE SPARTANS WON BABY!!! Big victory on paper, but for anyone that watched the game we didn’t play well at all. Still not impressed with this team and lack of depth. Then I was worried all night that Shannon Brown was hurt because he went down with 10 seconds to go in the game and I was watching it with no sound. That leads me to another interesting turn of events of my night. Beer Goggles a college bar? Where did this come from? I guess on Thursday nights they have a big college night with cheap drinks. It gets so full they take out all the tables and chairs and bring in a DJ!? This is crazy. It kind of sucked for me because I don’t really get into that. I like when I can go there and watch the games and kind of use the place like it’s my own. There were like 100 guys and HOT girls grinding all over the place to terrible music and I was sitting there trying to enjoy a couple of pitchers and cheer my team on. Weird. It was surreal. Like being at a totally different Beer Goggles. It was more like the Landshark. BLAH!

I did make 20 bucks though. Pretty risky for a guy that really can’t afford to lose 20 bucks. I put my college basketball love to the test. I took the underdog. I bet this guy at the bar who was talking about how good Memphis is that UAB would beat them. I mean this guy is a bet for money gambler not really a basketball fan. He looks at the numbers. I remember games. I KNOW this was the UAB team that still had a lot of the money components that went to the Elite Eight as an 8 seed I believe. I remembered all the guys with dreads. Squeaky Johnson baby! Anyway, it was a really good game and I was right. Memphis was due for a loss and they really aren’t that good. They have a lot of talent, but they’re really young and untested. MSU would beat them right now as bad as we’re playing. The guy was talking trash about MSU all game and he didn’t know what he was talking about so I had to one up him with a bet. I was sweating though! Can’t wait for the tournament!

I did lose 20 bucks though too!? This is unreal. I guess I didn’t pay my tab last time I was at Beer Goggles. It was a pretty funny conversation I had with the owner Chris. He told me last time I didn’t pay my tab. That seems strange, because I have never done that before. But it get better, wait for it… It would seem that I made my “Circle the Wagons” sign and screamed “RUN ME A TAB CHRIS!” and left. Walked out of the bar drunk off my ass. HA! I didn’t buy that I didn’t pay my tab at first, because Beer Goggles doesn’t exactly have a first class tracking system. They write your tab on a sheet of notebook paper. But once he told me the story I could only laugh at myself. That’s hilarious. RUN ME A TAB!!! Like I own the place!? I mean I could run a tab there for the most part because they like me, but that isn’t something I’m interested in doing. I am not good with tabs. I used to be able to do that at the Village Market when I was 15 and worked at the store down the street. It’s always surprise when they want to collect. I would run up like half my check there sometimes. Hate to see what you would do drunk and not thinking. But once again, the drunken Zerf trumps in with the knowledge that I could get away with that. Kind of like the hung over Zerf that talked me into calling into work today. Oh well. I’m going to go to a Belle and Sebastian signing later so that’s exciting. MSU and Illinois tomorrow which I’m very pumped for. Good things people good things.
Now if I could only find a cure for my Quadraphenia. Well, for me it’s more like Zerfaphenia really. Is there a cure doctor?

It’s really starting to suck watching these basketball games by myself. I mean I think it’s hit rock bottom when a friend doesn’t want to hit up a bar and watch the game with me because of snow. This is my favorite time of year! I love the pressure and atmosphere of these basketball games and am used to the BEST environment possible watching them. Nothing beat hitting up Spartan Sportszone, the Riv, or Crunchies to watch these games. Having beers and getting really loud and obnoxious. To me that kind of comradeship is what it’s all about. It’s really what I live for. If you look at the things I like the most. These basketball games and live music. They both have that feeling of sharing the moment. It’s like going through Christmas alone. That’s what I’m doing out here. It just sucks. That’s all I have to say about this right now. More whining to come I’m sure. I’ll be a one man army. No big deal. I’m starting to get used to it, but tonight I actually had plans and was excited. That’s all.

Go State!

Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t find this show funny? All I ever hear about is how this is the funniest show in the world and it was such a catastrophe when it had a hiatus off NBC. Everyone was like Where is Scrubs? Mexicans were all like Donde Esta’ La Scrubs? I hadn’t watched the show that much, but in reading knew they had done over 100 episodes of the show and that is an impressive milestone. So the other night I wasn’t doing much and it was on for an hour. I have watched a few other episodes throughout this year – that is after the above observation and wasn’t impressed. But, I figure I need to give it a few episodes because the people telling me about this show are usually reliable. (cue buzzer) TRY AGAIN!

Scrubs tries SO HARD to be funny. Not only is this show not incredibly funny, but I don’t find it funny AT ALL. I have probably watched 3 hours of scrubs and I look forward to the commercials so I can get a good laugh. I don’t think I’ve laughed at ONE thing in the show. I mean Zach Braff was the genius that brought us Garden State? Where did he go so wrong? I am in a state of shock here. How do so many people find this show funny? Who is the funny character? Is there one? Everything on the show is so forced, like a middle school IMPROV troupe. Does anyone sit in the writers rooms at read throughs and laugh at this rubbish? Why doesn’t Scrubs relax and be itself and let the comedy flow. Don’t try so hard Scrubs. Be yourself and the funny will come to you.

If this meandering blotch of words for the Zoo was written by Zach Braff he would say everybody on Scrubs is a bunch of…wait… cue some of kind stupid zoom in and out…flash back…pseudo over hyped awkward pause….SCRUBS!!! AHAHAHAHAHA BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING. NICE ONE ZACH! You suck. Your show sucks. Get off NBC. If you need me I’ll be watching American Idol. At least there is some drama there with Simon Scowl (did Zach write that?) and Paula Adorable (Ha! GOOD ONE ZACH) with their little tussle.

Someone pull the plug on Scrubs. Hopefully there is a copy of Garden State 2 in Zach Braff’s memoirs. YIKES STRIPES! (Zach told me to say that. He said it’s going to be the new funny saying. They keep saying in the writers room and everybody is cracking up.)


Or is it just me?

Why is Letterman the best you might ask? Because, Dave Letterman is the biggest Foo Fighters fan on late night television. Last night he was doing a piece about items he bought off of E-bay. It was a series of weird stuff you could find on e-bay and off course tying in a lot of jokes about celebrities and that sort of thing. Like for instance he had a heart in a bag and joked that it was his heart from his heart surgery years ago. Funny. Ha. The segment actually kind of bombed. It was hilarious! I love seeing people bomb. Dave was so pissed at the segment. The biggest bomb of all came at the expense of my favorite band. Dave always talks about how the Foo Fighters are “Fighting Foo!” He always asks Paul when they’re on the show, “Paul, What are the Foo Fighters doing right now….THEY’RE FIGHTING FOO!” I love it! Anyway he started talking about the Foo Fighters and how they are a friend of the show and are on all the time playing songs. So he pulls out a plate with a green jell-o like substance. “What is this? Do you know what this is? It’s FOO! It’s FOO PAUL!!!” The joke totally tanked. I don’t think one person in the audience laughed. I was of course dying!

The segment totally tanked. It ended with Paul asking if he should play the ending music yet and after an awkward pause Dave commented “I wish you would have a long time ago!” What a segment! We’re FIGHTING FOO!!!!